Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
are you so shy because you have an std?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
