Sorry, I don't speak sober.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
