Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
