I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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