I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
