You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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