Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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