mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
