i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
God, I missed his penis.
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