She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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