I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
