youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
