I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
