I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
