I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Don't EVER smell your tampon
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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