Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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