The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
