Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
