apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
