one word: firstdatebathroomanal
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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