I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
