I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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