Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Randomize
