unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
