Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
