Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
