it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
