i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
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