I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
is this the sara with the beer cane?
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
