I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
