he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
