In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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