Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I cut my penus on the lid.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
