I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
