Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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