guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
