he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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