im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
