You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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