Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
