im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
