i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
dude i'm inner monologue high
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
