i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
