I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
