Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
