And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
my liver is dry heaving
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
