everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
