I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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