HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
