i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
