on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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