I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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