I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
