so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
