Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
