Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
